Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I understand Curling. That high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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