I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
