yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
