cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Four minutes until I can fart!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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