Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
