Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
