How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
