hotel room ftw
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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