My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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