This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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