This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
