Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
