Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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