Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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