i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
