i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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