Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its about making memories worth repressing
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
