Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
