the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
