My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
did i just pee glitter
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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