There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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