my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
