I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
