I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
