I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
