Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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