Its about making memories worth repressing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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