this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We don't watch enough power rangers
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
