ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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