Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
