He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
