We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
