There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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