I will die if light touches me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I didn't notice because vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
