Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
