I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
