Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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