just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
