I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
