Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
