Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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