Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
