i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize