dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
