i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
