3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I die, sorry about rent.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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