Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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