so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She even gives head with a lisp.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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