thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
