So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize