Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
