oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just found a bag of teeth...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
