it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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