I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
