Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
