I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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