I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
