I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
