He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
