Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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