She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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