Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
