I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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