why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
