Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
operation harelip BJ is a go
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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