just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
