you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
