My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
